I am writing this a week into the quest, but it is only more important now as I have further explored the meaning and wonder of it all. You see, just before I left Canada, I attended a beautiful meditation retreat. :)
The retreat was with the wonderful community at my university. The community formed around two weekly meditations and a couple soup suppers a month and is a very welcoming group, full of life and humor, and deeply mindful throughout the fun adventures of university life. And it was through this community that my spiritual practice developed into a strong part of my life, and I took many steps of growth into leadership and facilitation.
Twice a year, up to 24 students would attend a meditation retreat at Shawnigan Lake, striking a wonderful balance between meditation and light-hearted fun. We would share meals, go on hikes, make music, and explore together through guided workshop activities and meditations, which would often be led by numerous people, including myself.
However, I assumed that I would not be attending another retreat for the unknowable future since the next one was planned for October when I would be in the UK. Two weeks before I was to leave however, it was discovered that the camp had made an error and forgot to book the retreat--and there was no more space. Fortunately, a gift appeared in the form of an invitation from another meditation group; it turned out that they were having trouble filling their retreat and there was space for us to share the camp. The timing? September 12-14, which meant that I could attend just before my flight to Iceland on the 15th! Although there was some concern about such short notice for gathering attendees in the first busy weeks of the fall semester, we had 20 students signed up almost at once! And it turned out that an early retreat was more favorable with more sun and less schoolwork on the go.
The retreat was, as always, a beautiful experience full of deep connections, soul-stirring insights, and deep nourishment for the mind, body, and soul. And as always, I stepped up to lead some workshops and meditations. In the past, I have led the group into an exploration of Deep Ecology, but this time I felt something else calling to me. I decided it was time to teach another form of meditation since the group is always taught a basic mantra meditation, while the entire time that I was a part of the community I was practicing something very different--something I developed through experience and natural intuition. And I felt that I had explored and integrated it well enough that I could teach it directly from my experiences. Certainly, I could probably have learned a similar meditation from someone else, but I often prefer to discover things directly from the source and as soon as is natural. And so my approach was probably fairly unique, but I was happy to find out afterwards that it was very similar to what my good friend and mentor Henri referred to as an "awareness meditation".
I'll include a link to the meditation here eventually.
But on with the story;)
The meditation went very well and I was happy that I only had to be present for it to flow and for the right words to come to me when needed.
And so I was feeling graceful and grounded when the other group that we were sharing the camp with invited us over for tea and snacks. When I entered the room, I found my way into a deep discussion with a few people who I later found out to be the leaders of the retreat. We discussed meditation, spirituality, and the way life guides us through these things. Following the tea, we were then graciously invited to a meditation later that night.
The meditation was a Universal Prayer, and as a friend mentioned later, it seems that all 'prayers' fall into three universal patterns: asking for help, giving thanks, and surrendering to the source. This one fell into the 'asking for something' category but in a selfless way. For 20 minutes, we meditated for the purpose of filling others with love. If there was a mantra, it would have been 'may you be filled with love' with the you directed to all the people out there in the world who are going about their lives--not expecting that good things are being wished upon them, not realizing that they are blessed.
Not until afterwards, I realized that for most of my spiritual journey I have been focusing inwards on my own spiritual growth: learning, exploring, processing, gathering insights, allowing myself to be changed. But I have come along way, I have become empowered, I have become more grounded and graceful--and so I was ready for this meditation, which was of a rather different form. It was a meditation dedicated to service. And it was a heart-centered meditation which I have not practiced in far too long.
Sitting in that large room of people dedicated to this practice, I felt our energy amplified again and again until my body dissolved so as to be a more fluid and yielding channel. Often when energy flows so strongly, there is a tendency to grasp for ownership of some sort as I have discussed in my post on receiving gifts. But because this meditation was dedicated to the well being of others, because it was dedicated to service and had nothing to do with my desires, I found that my issues/wants/insecurities were no longer in the picture and did not interfere.
"[sages] don't look after all the things that arise
or depend on them as they develop
or claim them when they reach perfection
and because they don't claim them
they are never without them" --TaoTeChing
"Losing something is the result of possessing something. How can people lose what they don't possess?" --Su Ch'e
After the meditation, we moved out into the night and I slipped from the group down the forest path to the lake. I was feeling radiant...blessed...and empowered. I felt a blissful sense that everything was exactly as it should be and that I had just stepped across a threshold. When I reached the beach, I stepped gently onto the dock and felt the wood creak and the platform sink and rub against its neighbors. I walked out slowly to the furthest platform where I lay down under a sky that dazzled with stars existing only in reciprocity with the dark nonexistence that lay between them.
And in this moment, I heard the Call. It was the realization that I was entering a new spiritual practice and form of being, where my inward work would exist only to serve the outward work of the world, and when my inner being was empty and in tune, the real work could be done straight through me for the benefit of the whole.
I realized that to become 'one' is synonymous with service--your purposes and intentions align with those of the world, and the happenings of the world align with you in the magic of synchronicity. It becomes an exchange of gifts to the point where to receive is to give and to give is to receive. That is interbeing.
And if the so-called selflessness of service is actually the only way to become truly one with the world and to therefore experience the true nature of the universe then service is actually the best thing for 'yourself'.
And as I have been exploring this new form of being and intention I have been amazed at how strongly I feel things when they are not for me but for others. When I do not try to possess or achieve or even act for anything other than the whole such as my little self--the energy is suddenly free; my form guides it while my emptiness makes it work.
"Thirty spokes converge on a hub
but it's the emptiness
that makes a wheel work
pots are fashioned from clay
but it's the hollow
that makes a pot work
windows and doors are carved for a house
but it's the spaces
that make a house work
existence makes a thing useful
but nonexistence makes it work"
-TaoTeChing
"Likewise, we all have form and think ourselves useful but remain unaware that our usefulness depends on our empty, shapeless mind." -Te-Ch'ing
Selflessness is what makes a human consciousness 'empty' and therefore useful--and powerful.
And so going along with these realizations, my motivations toward a spiritual practice have been sparked and stoked--this notion of oneness through service has empowered me with such clear purpose. Clear and empty. Empty of resistance and manipulation and willpower and ambition. And therefore fully able to surrender to the powerful magics of this world. Meditation has thus become easy and naturally integrated into my life in numerous ways from how I converse to how I hitchhike.
And you may have noticed, I have begun reading the TaoTeChing, for the first time amazingly enough; but a good friend gave it to me as a going away gift, and I have begun reading from it daily and will probably begin quoting it often :)
Another insight gained from this experience was the very real power of energetic amplification when a strong group gathers to share an intentional meditation. And so I decided that night on the dock that I would seek out other groups of meditators during my journeys abroad.
And so it happened that several days later, a friend and I were wandering through Glasgow and we found a Buddhist Meditation Center with perfect natural timing to follow a couple in the door for a meditation and teaching. :) It was funny how everyone kept asking how we found out about the event. We didn't. We just showed up for it without knowing.
But more on that later in my Glasgow post. :) And more on how hitchhiking is a form of meditation in my hitchhiking post...soon to come!!